Monday, December 15, 2008

Little Help?

Husband and I raised our voices to each other yesterday.

You see, I was running around the apartment trying to tidy up so that I could make a huge mess later with all the baking I had planned for that afternoon.

Have you ever noticed that if you're running around tidying up, and someone else is sitting and doing something more relaxing that it gives you just a little twinge of resentment? Well I was feeling that little twinge for the last week or so, and yesterday it started to grow.

And when I went to do the dishes (the task that I hate above all others) I found the proverbial hair that broke the proverbial camel's back. It was a large dirty bowl filled with dirty water, and a plate sitting inside of the bowl and neatly sealing it off.

"Husband, can you come here a second? I want to show you something," I said in a fake-sweet tone. I walked over to the door of "his room" and beckoned with one finger.

"If you're going to complain about something I do that bothers you can I complain about all the things that you do that bother me?" He said as he reluctantly got up out of his chair.

I pointed out the plate-in-bowl issue and he looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "I just really hate when you do that," I said, "It's hard to get it out."

He then picked up the bowl and tipped it over so that the water came pouring out and the plate went with it. "Was that so hard?"

"Well, I just want a little help around here! You complain that I never do the dishes, so you could at least make it easier for me when I do!"

"No, you just think it's slavery if you have to do the dishes once a week!"

"I've done the dishes four times this week!" (Yes, I had been counting.)

"Then the dishes are getting done twice a day!"

It went on like that for about five minutes. The point is this: how is it possible that I feel like I'm the only one who does any work around the house, and he also feels like he's the only one who does any work around the house? I would really love to have a third party fly-on-the wall observe us and determine who actually does "all the work around the house."

But then again, Husband would probably get angry when that third party points out that I was right and he was wrong. ;)


Patrick Godfrey said...

Hey Molly, I know we haven't talked in well... forever but I saw the link on Facebook and took a look, I'll have to start following! I must say, my wife and I have avoided these arguments (so far!) however this was a common problem with my housemates in college. I think establishing chores that each of you do and, most importantly, doing them will help. Of course, make sure it's at least close to an even workload. If neither of you like doing something (like dishes) just trade off. For instance, I can't cook and dishwashing actually bothers my hands so my wife takes care of that. Meanwhile, I do the yardwork, take trash out, and other general house maintenance stuff. Of course, these are pretty traditional roles but that's not on purpose, just those are what we are good at! Hope this helps and everything is well!

Sarah said...

You're not alone.
I get upset when I get home from work and find all P's washing up from his cooking experiment the night before.
I get home at least two hours after him, and on Friday it was four hours.
I still did all the dishes.
I could go on.

Anonymous said...

That is pretty much marriage in a nutshell. LOL. Eventually you will find a rhythm. Aaron and I had to make a dishes rule. We take turns. Every other day. And we never move from this rule. Ever. Because if we do, all hell will break lose.

Anonymous said...

Cute blog. It's so funny to read the newly wed version after 23 (yeah 2008-1985 is 23, right?) years. The easiest way to solve the issue is have teenagers. Then they can clean the dishes, while you read a book.

Of course there's about 15 years of REALLY hard work before you get to that point...

Congrats on your new marriage. Was just hopping around the internet and saw your post about your relationship and the sweater and had to read the whole blog.

If all else fails, buy paper plates and takeout for a few years. With your eating habits, you could go to a nice restaurant, you eat the salad and veggies, he eats the steak and fries, you eat for half price.
Enjoy married life, it all goes by so quickly.