Tuesday, October 6, 2009
What a delight! Husband used his insomnia to give me a wonderful treat. It was so nice to enjoy a hot cinnamon roll with my usual coffee; but it was an even better treat to feel like such a special girl!
In other news: Major congratulations to one of my most loyal readers on welcoming a new baby boy into her family!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
You see I'm not great with money. I find that I'm either struggling with money, or I don't think I'm struggling and later I find out that I actually was struggling, but I didn't find out until it's too late. At that point, my frustrated Husband has to bail me out. This has happened more often than I'd like to admit. And I'm not so foolish as to think that that doesn't put a strain on our relationship.
So, Husband and I had a little discussion about how I can better manage my money, and he'll help me out a little bit. What we'll do is a little financial housekeeping that we should have done a long time ago. We'll combine our car insurance into one policy so that it will cost us less and will get paid for out of our joint funds, rather than each of us paying our own. We'll also use joint funds to pay for our cell phones.
Here's the hard part: Husband wants me to build a safety buffer in my personal account like he has in his. This has been a goal of mine forever, but I've never been able to manage it. And I know he'll be hounding me about it.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Somebody, hold me too close, (Sometimes, he likes to
get in my space and smother me just to laugh at my claustrophobic
Somebody, hurt me too deep, (he does it too often
to count, I probably do it to him too.)
Somebody, sit in my chair
And ruin my sleep (Have I mentioned our disparate
And make me aware
Of being alive,
Somebody, need me too much, (The man is helpless, I
tell you, HELPLESS.)
Somebody, know me too well, (we have a super hard
time keeping secrets from each-other.)
Somebody, pull me up short
And put me through hell
And give me support
For being alive,
Make me alive.
Make me confused, (So often, I ask myself why I
love this guy so much, and I just don't have the answer. I'm not even sure
I need the answer anymore.)
Mock me with praise, (Oh the sarcasm.)
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.
Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care, (He and I just don't
have the same interests, so this is an ongoing thing for both of us.
"Honey, it's not just any opera, it's TRAVIATA!")
Somebody, make me
I'll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
This has been your daily mushiness. You can thank me later.
photo by Sandy Underwood: Raul Esparza in Company
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I'm also happy that with his new schedule I'll be seeing more of him. Although, I also fear that it will be a mixed blessing. You see, I've gotten used to being on my own most evenings and on weekends. I'm able to do my own thing; eat whatever I want for dinner, stay after work for drinks with my friends, et cetera. Now, I find myself thinking about cooking dinner, and not knowing what to fix since Husband is such a picky eater.
Another challenge is finding something for Husband to wear. In his previous job he wore a uniform, so it was pretty mindless. Now we're faced with finding something conservative and professional. We decided on his best charcoal and pinstripe suit with a white shirt. He pulled out the only two white shirts he owns and he was swimming in both of them. After a quick trip to the menswear store, we got two new white shirts and two ties.
I'm looking forward to seeing him off tomorrow morning, and hearing all about his first day tomorrow night.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I particularly identified with the following passage:
Does this remind you of a blog post I made a few months ago?
First, I remind myself of the phenomenon of unconscious overclaiming; i.e., we
unconsciously overestimate our contributions or skills relative to other
people’s. This makes sense, because of course we’re far more aware of what
we do than what other people do. According to Jonathan Haidt’s The Happiness Hypothesis, “When husbands and wives estimate the percentage
of housework each does, their estimates total more than 120 percent.”
Monday, June 8, 2009
"Don't you have to work today? What's going on?"
"I'm driving down to Norfolk," he said simply.
"What? What for?"
"E. told me about a Magic tournament they're having today."
E. is a friend of ours from college who lives down in Norfolk. He and Husband used to while away hours playing the trading card game "Magic," and talking about tactics, deck-building, rare cards, etc.
"When did you decide this?" I asked.
"Oh, about 11:00 last night."
"Uh-huh. . . do you want company for the drive?"
He hesitated. The last time I agreed to tag-along for one of these tournaments, I couldn't contain my boredom. But this one will be near the beach, so if I get bored, I could just head out on my own adventure.
Within about 30 minutes we were heading south at a steady 65mph. It turned out to be a really fun day. E. showed us around his territory, and we had an awesome seafood dinner. And Husband, who hardly ever does this sort of thing was having a blast. When we got home that night around midnight, we were both in good spirits having spent a really fun day together.
Monday, June 1, 2009
But today, a friend of mine shared this clip from a favorite childhood TV institution
I watched it and thought, you know if those are the standards that my marriage is being held up against, then Husband and I are marriage experts!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Last year, I put some plants out there, but there were a couple problems: I didn't get enough for the size of the space; and also, turns out you have to water plants if you want them to last at all.
I'm ready for round two now. I went to Home Depot and got some flowers with labels that say they do well in the shade. I also got some boxes and mountings.
After about $100 and an hour of work the porch looks lovely. I realized when I got back from the store that I only got one mounting for the two boxes I bought, but now that I'm finished I like the multiple levels of color.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
I've let the house become a mess again (although it's still manageable). I'm dining on garbage. I've found myself spending most of my free time sitting in front of the television, often dozing off and waking up hours later.
I occasionally find the motivation to break up this cycle, (Saturday morning, I went for a short hike) but soon find myself in front of the television again eating junk food.
And I look at myself and I'm pretty grossed out. It is so lame to complain about how fat you are, but I can barely recognize myself. And when I feel so ugly, I am less interested in being intimate with Husband. So, this little rut I've found myself in is affecting my relationships as well.
What got me here? That's what I'm asking myself. Sometimes I think that I'm just overstressed at work. Maybe it has to do with how infrequently I see my friends. On a more melodramatic level, it may have to do with my recent inability to have any faith or belief in God or any kind of divinity. I don't want to say that I feel hopeless, but the feeling that there is no
"higher power," is a pretty hopeless notion.
I've been in this sort of place before, and I don't expect it to last long. I booked a weekend retreat at a nearby ashram with the hopes that it will be rejuvenating. I've also got a date with a dear friend to have coffee in a week or so. If you're reading this and you want to help, you can invite me out for a drink or a walk or a bite to eat. If you're reading this and you know God, tell him to pay me a visit.
I hope this doesn't sound terribly melancholy. As I'm reading back over it, I see that I sound pretty emo. As far as blue spells go, this one is pretty mild. But I could use a friend to get me off the couch and out into the sunshine.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I felt him shifting positions in bed, and as I groggily opened my eyes, all I saw was a fist coming at me, and felt it slam into my left cheek. Husband then made a little whimper and rolled back over.
I might have to start wearing a helmet to bed!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Every once in a while, however, I am put back in my place. Watching this clip on the news this morning reminded me that even if I don't agree with some one's politics, that person is still a human who has fears, and hopes, and a family whom he loves, and who love him back.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Many of you folks are intimate friends and family, and some of you found me in your internet wanderings. I welcome comments from all of you, but if you are one of my "real life" friends, please keep in mind that I refrain from giving Husband's name or showing his face to protect his privacy. I hope you all will do the same.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
"I'm extremely happy with her," he told Mariana Cook in a 1996 interview with
the couple recently published in The New Yorker, "and part of it has to do with
the fact that she is at once familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she
knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also
a complete mystery to me in some ways.…It's that tension between familiarity and
mystery that makes for something strong, because even as you build a life of
trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or
wonder about the other person."
Reading over what I've written, I can see that I appear to be trying to sound like an expert on relationships. I'm really not, but I have decided that it was important for me to question why I chose Husband and why he chose me, and to question frequently why I choose to stay with him, especially when the answer seems the most unclear. To this day, I find that the answer is that I still havn't solved the puzzle.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
This morning, I woke up having recovered from a particularly difficult day at work which led to a particularly happy happy hour. Dehydrated as I was from the three vodka-tonics I’d had the evening before, I groggily wandered into the kitchen to get some water. When I looked around I realized that I’d lost control.
There were dirty dishes on the counter tops, a pile of clean clothes on the couch waiting to be folded; miscellaneous papers, boxes, receipts, and a couple winter coats lying on the dining room table; and an air of general dust and untidiness hung about the room.
After all the hard work I’d been doing to keep my apartment clean, Husband finally pitching in, at some point in the last week I must have gotten overwhelmed and let go. I couldn't’t tell you exactly when I stopped bothering. I think it must have happened gradually. I probably gave up somewhere between being extraordinarily busy at work, and realizing I’d gained twenty pounds and declaring I would go on a diet.
So here I am, back where I started at the end of 2008: fat, in frumpy jeans, a tee shirt, and fleece pullover, hair a mess and pulled back into a ponytail, and sitting in a messy apartment.
But, as I repeated so many times in Mr. Thomson’s high school drama class, “Yes, yes, I am hemmed in on every side, but don’t imagine all my battles lost.” I’m determined to get back in control. This weekend I will get my apartment shining again, and in the meanwhile, I’m going to continue following the diet I started last weekend, and one day I will live within 30 minutes of my office and all these things will be 100% easier.
Friday, January 30, 2009
And I have no idea how we'll spend it. We talked about going to the movies, but that's only going to take up two hour or so. Maybe we'll just stay home an revel in each others' presence.
I'm so excited!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Mockie is also the matriarch of a very large extended family with four generations living today. She and my grandfather (may he rest in peace) raised four boys who grew up to be the kind of men you would be happy for your daughter to marry (just ask their mothers-in-law!)
I recently asked her (along with a few other women who have influenced the woman that I have become) how she thinks a homemaker can relate to the Feminist movement. "When I was younger I probably was not ,or did not think of myself as a feminist, there was no such thing at that time," she told me.
She married my Grandad in 1948, a time when America was still rejoicing over the end of the hardships caused by World War II. Women who had joined the workforce while their husbands and sons were fighting in Europe and the Pacific were now returning to their traditional roles as homemakers. "I loved your grandfather, always thinking that if he made the living it was my duty to do my household responsibilities: washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, and rearing four sons."
I've just finished reading the first chapter of Betty Friedan's iconic manifesto, "The Feminine Mystique," where the author describes how women of this era did not feel fulfilled by homemaking alone but were unable to voice their trouble, thinking that their feelings were unjustified. It is possible that my grandmother felt this way too. She said that she sometimes felt resentful when my grandfather spent his weekends away from the house playing golf, leaving her to look after the boys for a sixth and maybe seventh day that week. "But as the boys grew . . . we began to join him, swimming and picnicking."
"Now I realize that I probably evolved as a feminist," Mockie said, "When our son's married I made it plain to them that as long as their wives worked, and contributed to the income, it was their responsibility to do their part in the household duties and the rearing of the children. "
Husband and I do work together to maintain our home. In fact, recently as I've been making more than my usual effort to keep our apartment tidy, he has been more eager to help out.
Husband and I have only been married for a few months, but we are already learning what Mockie told me about marriage: "It is not easy. It is not always perfect, there will be good times sometimes not so good, but the good outweigh the bad. It takes a lot of working together to make it work."
She finished by telling me that she is "no authority on marriage," but I think the almost 60 years that she and my Grandad spent together speak for themselves.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
That's ten straight days of work!
If Husband's supervisors do not reward him for his unfailing work ethic and dedication, I will personally punch them in their respective faces.*
* = empty threat
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
That sounds like common sense, but it is amazing how we humans are always arrogant enough to believe that we can improve or out-do our ancestors. Trying to knock some of that human arrogance out of my own brain, I decided to consult some of the influential women in my life about their approaches to marriage, and homemaking. I also flavored my inquiry by asking how the 20th century feminist movement has influenced their approaches.
I had hoped to use the results of my query to write a series of mini essays on the topic. Unfortunately, I only got one or two useful responses. (If you'd like to contribute your opinion, you are absolutely welcome, nay, encouraged to!)
Anyway, look for my thouts on the most intriguing response I received, which was from my last living Grandmother, in the next day or two.