I read a great essay today in Slate Magazine's blog, The Happiness Project. The author chooses five habits of hers that have become obstacles to her happiness in her marriage. As I was reading about the 5 items she listed, I realized that I could have been writing them.

I particularly identified with the following passage:

First, I remind myself of the phenomenon of unconscious overclaiming; i.e., we
unconsciously overestimate our contributions or skills relative to other
people’s. This makes sense, because of course we’re far more aware of what
we do than what other people do. According to Jonathan Haidt’s The Happiness Hypothesis, “When husbands and wives estimate the percentage
of housework each does, their estimates total more than 120 percent.”

Does this remind you of a blog post I made a few months ago?

A Spontaneous Adventure

If you knew my husband, "spontaneous" might be the last word you would use to describe him. "Methodical," or "practical" would be more appropriate. So, imagine my surprise when I woke up on Saturday morning and found him dressed in street clothes instead of his uniform.

"Don't you have to work today? What's going on?"

"I'm driving down to Norfolk," he said simply.

"What? What for?"

"E. told me about a Magic tournament they're having today."

E. is a friend of ours from college who lives down in Norfolk. He and Husband used to while away hours playing the trading card game "Magic," and talking about tactics, deck-building, rare cards, etc.

"When did you decide this?" I asked.

"Oh, about 11:00 last night."

"Uh-huh. . . do you want company for the drive?"

He hesitated. The last time I agreed to tag-along for one of these tournaments, I couldn't contain my boredom. But this one will be near the beach, so if I get bored, I could just head out on my own adventure.

Within about 30 minutes we were heading south at a steady 65mph. It turned out to be a really fun day. E. showed us around his territory, and we had an awesome seafood dinner. And Husband, who hardly ever does this sort of thing was having a blast. When we got home that night around midnight, we were both in good spirits having spent a really fun day together.

From the Mouths of Babes. . .

As a newlywed, it is so easy to get caught up in trying to meet others' expectations of marriage. I often worry about what other couples think when they see me flying solo so frequently. I'm constantly having to answer the question: "Where's your husband?"

But today, a friend of mine shared this clip from a favorite childhood TV institution

I watched it and thought, you know if those are the standards that my marriage is being held up against, then Husband and I are marriage experts!

Our Porch

Our first-floor apartment has a nice little porch. It's pretty bare, but there's a hedge and a couple trees just outside it that make it green and pleasant.



Last year, I put some plants out there, but there were a couple problems: I didn't get enough for the size of the space; and also, turns out you have to water plants if you want them to last at all.

I'm ready for round two now. I went to Home Depot and got some flowers with labels that say they do well in the shade. I also got some boxes and mountings.


After about $100 and an hour of work the porch looks lovely. I realized when I got back from the store that I only got one mounting for the two boxes I bought, but now that I'm finished I like the multiple levels of color.

I think that all I need now is a small table to rest a couple glasses of iced tea.

A Retreat

Tomorrow, I'm heading down to Buckingham, Virginia (yeah, I have no idea where that is either) to enjoy a long weekend retreat at Yogaville. I booked this a few weeks ago as a remedy for the stress I've been enduring at work, and in general. I have kept saying that I'm craving silence, and I can't wait for a great big helping of it at the ashram.

Nothing about my relationship and marriage pleases me more than the independence that Husband and I have each been able to maintain while building a life together. I can go away for a long weekend, and there is no "I'll miss you more--no I'll miss you more!" conversation. I'll be gone for two nights, and yes, it will be a little bit lonely when he's not sleeping at my side; but on Sunday when we're together again it will be all the more exciting!

Twelve Jars!

Can you believe that there were twelve mostly-empty jars of pasta-sauce in my fridge? I think I've probably been collecting them since we moved to this apartment about two years ago. Today I decided to take them out of the fridge and wash them out, so that they can be re-used.

It took about an hour to get them all clean. For most of them the labels cam right off, but some are still stuck on there.

Any ideas about what to do with them? I thought about making my own pasta sauce and filling a few jars with it. Perhaps they could hold flowers or something?

Agree to Disagree?

I've often said that my relationship with my husband is based on the "opposites attract" concept. He and I have very little in common, and we disagree on most political and social issues. My stance on this is that it makes things more interesting. We always have something to talk about. . . and talking is exactly what we did at dinner last night.

You see, I believe that as "mere mortals," we humans have no claim to the land we live on l(beyond, perhaps, the house we live in) and therefore no right to say who can and cannot live in our country. The idea of "illegal immigration" is absurd to me. If you are an honest, law-abiding person, you should be able to make a living wherever you have the means to. I disagree with the immigration laws that make it so difficult to legally immigrate to the US.

Husband, on the other hand, believes that immigration laws protect us from terrorism, and other kinds of ill-will. In fact, he had recently been offered a job in which he would be involved in enforcing those laws.

Well, last night, after a long discussion (read: argument) about our feelings on this issue, Husband confessed that he is anxious to accept this job for fear that it may negatively affect our relationship.

In the past, we've always been able to (if you'll excuse the cliche) agree to disagree. But I can't say with any confidence that I won't resent my Husband for any involvement in enforcing these laws that I believe are wrong. But I've always appreciated our ability to maintain our respective independence. I don't want Husband to decline this offer only because of my feelings. That would certainly lead to resentment on his part.

So, I guess my question is this: Does Love trump Politics?