A Retreat

Tomorrow, I'm heading down to Buckingham, Virginia (yeah, I have no idea where that is either) to enjoy a long weekend retreat at Yogaville. I booked this a few weeks ago as a remedy for the stress I've been enduring at work, and in general. I have kept saying that I'm craving silence, and I can't wait for a great big helping of it at the ashram.

Nothing about my relationship and marriage pleases me more than the independence that Husband and I have each been able to maintain while building a life together. I can go away for a long weekend, and there is no "I'll miss you more--no I'll miss you more!" conversation. I'll be gone for two nights, and yes, it will be a little bit lonely when he's not sleeping at my side; but on Sunday when we're together again it will be all the more exciting!

Twelve Jars!

Can you believe that there were twelve mostly-empty jars of pasta-sauce in my fridge? I think I've probably been collecting them since we moved to this apartment about two years ago. Today I decided to take them out of the fridge and wash them out, so that they can be re-used.

It took about an hour to get them all clean. For most of them the labels cam right off, but some are still stuck on there.

Any ideas about what to do with them? I thought about making my own pasta sauce and filling a few jars with it. Perhaps they could hold flowers or something?

Agree to Disagree?

I've often said that my relationship with my husband is based on the "opposites attract" concept. He and I have very little in common, and we disagree on most political and social issues. My stance on this is that it makes things more interesting. We always have something to talk about. . . and talking is exactly what we did at dinner last night.

You see, I believe that as "mere mortals," we humans have no claim to the land we live on l(beyond, perhaps, the house we live in) and therefore no right to say who can and cannot live in our country. The idea of "illegal immigration" is absurd to me. If you are an honest, law-abiding person, you should be able to make a living wherever you have the means to. I disagree with the immigration laws that make it so difficult to legally immigrate to the US.

Husband, on the other hand, believes that immigration laws protect us from terrorism, and other kinds of ill-will. In fact, he had recently been offered a job in which he would be involved in enforcing those laws.

Well, last night, after a long discussion (read: argument) about our feelings on this issue, Husband confessed that he is anxious to accept this job for fear that it may negatively affect our relationship.

In the past, we've always been able to (if you'll excuse the cliche) agree to disagree. But I can't say with any confidence that I won't resent my Husband for any involvement in enforcing these laws that I believe are wrong. But I've always appreciated our ability to maintain our respective independence. I don't want Husband to decline this offer only because of my feelings. That would certainly lead to resentment on his part.

So, I guess my question is this: Does Love trump Politics?

Am I too blue for you?

I've been in a bit of a funk lately.

I've let the house become a mess again (although it's still manageable). I'm dining on garbage. I've found myself spending most of my free time sitting in front of the television, often dozing off and waking up hours later.

I occasionally find the motivation to break up this cycle, (Saturday morning, I went for a short hike) but soon find myself in front of the television again eating junk food.

And I look at myself and I'm pretty grossed out. It is so lame to complain about how fat you are, but I can barely recognize myself. And when I feel so ugly, I am less interested in being intimate with Husband. So, this little rut I've found myself in is affecting my relationships as well.

What got me here? That's what I'm asking myself. Sometimes I think that I'm just overstressed at work. Maybe it has to do with how infrequently I see my friends. On a more melodramatic level, it may have to do with my recent inability to have any faith or belief in God or any kind of divinity. I don't want to say that I feel hopeless, but the feeling that there is no
"higher power," is a pretty hopeless notion.

I've been in this sort of place before, and I don't expect it to last long. I booked a weekend retreat at a nearby ashram with the hopes that it will be rejuvenating. I've also got a date with a dear friend to have coffee in a week or so. If you're reading this and you want to help, you can invite me out for a drink or a walk or a bite to eat. If you're reading this and you know God, tell him to pay me a visit.

I hope this doesn't sound terribly melancholy. As I'm reading back over it, I see that I sound pretty emo. As far as blue spells go, this one is pretty mild. But I could use a friend to get me off the couch and out into the sunshine.