Molly got married.

Delightful Little Surprise

2009-10-06T05:32:00.001-07:00

This morning, as my alarm clock began to ring around a quarter to six, Husband was bustling around just getting ready to come to bed. His work schedule is forcing him to stay up all night, even on his off nights. As he got into bed, I reluctantly forced myself up, and did the first thing I do every morning: I headed for the bathroom. There was a post-it note on the bathroom mirror, something Husband and I use often when our schedules are flip-flopped in order to communicate important or semi-important messages. It said "Breakfast! Cinnamon rolls on the kitchen counter."

What a delight! Husband used his insomnia to give me a wonderful treat. It was so nice to enjoy a hot cinnamon roll with my usual coffee; but it was an even better treat to feel like such a special girl!

In other news: Major congratulations to one of my most loyal readers on welcoming a new baby boy into her family!

Holy Crap! I've been married for a year!

2009-09-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

That's right. A year ago today I stood up in front of all my friends and family and promised to be a faithful and loving companion to the man who would become my husband. The funny thing is that after that moment, not a lot has changed. I often get asked, "so how's married life?" I have to reveal the secret I've discovered. Married life is just life.

Well, it's life lived in tune with another life. (And since Husband and I are both musicians, I think I'm going to extend this analogy.) Sometimes we are living on two harmonious notes. Sometimes we live on two notes which are discordant, but which lead back to notes which build a more pleasant sound. And of course, sometimes one of us goes flat and creates quite an unpleasant sound. But that's ok, one will signal to the other to tune back up, and we go right along making fabulous harmonies.

Tonight we'll celebrate by getting dressed up and going out to a nice restaurant. And then tomorrow will be another day. We'll go back to work. I'll fix dinner at the end of the day. I'll groan when he only picks at the food. I'll work on my knitting. He'll play video games. And the next day we'll do it all over again. This is our "happily ever after."

What Keeps Me Sane

2009-09-21T02:41:00.000-07:00

I've struggled with chronic anxiety since I was in high school, and I get easily overwhelmed. I was having a particularly bad day recently, and I said to Husband, "It's days like this that make me want to drop everything, pack a backpack with just a few essentials, and take off into the wilderness."

"I don't think I fit into a backpack," Husband said. And suddenly, I didn't feel so eager to get away. It's so nice to be reminded what is important, when all the little things are stressing me out.

And in other news, Husband and I went on a rare date this weekend. We jumped in the car and drove up to Baltimore to see the world-class aquarium there, and wander around the inner harbor. We hardly ever do things like this, so it's that much more special when we do.

Here's a funny bird we saw in the rain forest exhibit:

Mo Money, Mo Problems.

2009-09-13T16:58:00.000-07:00

You hear all the time that money is the most common topic of marital arguments. I think that Husband and I have done a great job of managing our finances in a way that allows us to avoid arguing about money most of the time. That's not to say, however, that money isn't a problem for us. And when I say that money is a problem for us, I mean that it's a problem for me, and therefore for Husband as well. That's part off what marriage is, sharing our problems.

You see I'm not great with money. I find that I'm either struggling with money, or I don't think I'm struggling and later I find out that I actually was struggling, but I didn't find out until it's too late. At that point, my frustrated Husband has to bail me out. This has happened more often than I'd like to admit. And I'm not so foolish as to think that that doesn't put a strain on our relationship.

So, Husband and I had a little discussion about how I can better manage my money, and he'll help me out a little bit. What we'll do is a little financial housekeeping that we should have done a long time ago. We'll combine our car insurance into one policy so that it will cost us less and will get paid for out of our joint funds, rather than each of us paying our own. We'll also use joint funds to pay for our cell phones.

Here's the hard part: Husband wants me to build a safety buffer in my personal account like he has in his. This has been a goal of mine forever, but I've never been able to manage it. And I know he'll be hounding me about it.

More of the First Couple

2009-08-17T13:00:00.001-07:00

I think this speaks for itself.

Being Alive

2009-08-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, at risk of sounding like one of those angsty teenagers who talks about how a certain song describes perfectly how she feels about her boyfriend, here goes:

Last night I was watching the musical Company on PBS (frequently interrupted by PBS representatives begging for money, of course). I used to love this show when I was in high school, but hadn't really seen it since.

So when Robert's big number came at the finale of the second act, what he had to say (er...sing?) hit me harder than ever. You see, he's singing about marriage and why he has avoided it, and yet why he also longs for it; and it struck me because I always find myself defending my unconventional relationship with my own husband, but Robert's words described exactly the sort of relationship Husband and I have.

Somebody, hold me too close, (Sometimes, he likes to
get in my space and smother me just to laugh at my claustrophobic
reaction.)

Somebody, hurt me too deep, (he does it too often
to count, I probably do it to him too.)

Somebody, sit in my chair

And ruin my sleep (Have I mentioned our disparate
work schedules?)

And make me aware

Of being alive,

Being alive.

Somebody, need me too much, (The man is helpless, I
tell you, HELPLESS.)

Somebody, know me too well, (we have a super hard
time keeping secrets from each-other.)

Somebody, pull me up short

And put me through hell

And give me support

For being alive,

Make me alive.

Make me confused, (So often, I ask myself why I
love this guy so much, and I just don't have the answer. I'm not even sure
I need the answer anymore.)

Mock me with praise, (Oh the sarcasm.)

Let me be used,

Vary my days.

But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,

Somebody, force me to care, (He and I just don't
have the same interests, so this is an ongoing thing for both of us.
"Honey, it's not just any opera, it's TRAVIATA!")

Somebody, make me
come through,

I'll always be there,

As frightened as you,

To help us survive

Being alive,

Being alive,

Being alive!
This has been your daily mushiness. You can thank me later.

photo by Sandy Underwood: Raul Esparza in Company

A New Routine

2009-07-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

Husband starts his new job tomorrow. After months and months and months paying his dues in a menial job he hated in order to get the experience he needed to pursue the career he wanted, he'll be starting a job that will use his skills and have huge potential for growth. I am so happy for him!

I'm also happy that with his new schedule I'll be seeing more of him. Although, I also fear that it will be a mixed blessing. You see, I've gotten used to being on my own most evenings and on weekends. I'm able to do my own thing; eat whatever I want for dinner, stay after work for drinks with my friends, et cetera. Now, I find myself thinking about cooking dinner, and not knowing what to fix since Husband is such a picky eater.

Another challenge is finding something for Husband to wear. In his previous job he wore a uniform, so it was pretty mindless. Now we're faced with finding something conservative and professional. We decided on his best charcoal and pinstripe suit with a white shirt. He pulled out the only two white shirts he owns and he was swimming in both of them. After a quick trip to the menswear store, we got two new white shirts and two ties.

I'm looking forward to seeing him off tomorrow morning, and hearing all about his first day tomorrow night.

2009-06-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

I read a great essay today in Slate Magazine's blog, The Happiness Project. The author chooses five habits of hers that have become obstacles to her happiness in her marriage. As I was reading about the 5 items she listed, I realized that I could have been writing them.

I particularly identified with the following passage:

First, I remind myself of the phenomenon of unconscious overclaiming; i.e., we
unconsciously overestimate our contributions or skills relative to other
people’s. This makes sense, because of course we’re far more aware of what
we do than what other people do. According to Jonathan Haidt’s The Happiness Hypothesis, “When husbands and wives estimate the percentage
of housework each does, their estimates total more than 120 percent.”

Does this remind you of a blog post I made a few months ago?

A Spontaneous Adventure

2009-06-08T06:18:00.000-07:00

If you knew my husband, "spontaneous" might be the last word you would use to describe him. "Methodical," or "practical" would be more appropriate. So, imagine my surprise when I woke up on Saturday morning and found him dressed in street clothes instead of his uniform.

"Don't you have to work today? What's going on?"

"I'm driving down to Norfolk," he said simply.

"What? What for?"

"E. told me about a Magic tournament they're having today."

E. is a friend of ours from college who lives down in Norfolk. He and Husband used to while away hours playing the trading card game "Magic," and talking about tactics, deck-building, rare cards, etc.

"When did you decide this?" I asked.

"Oh, about 11:00 last night."

"Uh-huh. . . do you want company for the drive?"

He hesitated. The last time I agreed to tag-along for one of these tournaments, I couldn't contain my boredom. But this one will be near the beach, so if I get bored, I could just head out on my own adventure.

Within about 30 minutes we were heading south at a steady 65mph. It turned out to be a really fun day. E. showed us around his territory, and we had an awesome seafood dinner. And Husband, who hardly ever does this sort of thing was having a blast. When we got home that night around midnight, we were both in good spirits having spent a really fun day together.

From the Mouths of Babes. . .

2009-06-01T12:21:00.000-07:00

As a newlywed, it is so easy to get caught up in trying to meet others' expectations of marriage. I often worry about what other couples think when they see me flying solo so frequently. I'm constantly having to answer the question: "Where's your husband?"

But today, a friend of mine shared this clip from a favorite childhood TV institution

I watched it and thought, you know if those are the standards that my marriage is being held up against, then Husband and I are marriage experts!

Our Porch

2009-05-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

Our first-floor apartment has a nice little porch. It's pretty bare, but there's a hedge and a couple trees just outside it that make it green and pleasant.

Last year, I put some plants out there, but there were a couple problems: I didn't get enough for the size of the space; and also, turns out you have to water plants if you want them to last at all.

I'm ready for round two now. I went to Home Depot and got some flowers with labels that say they do well in the shade. I also got some boxes and mountings.

After about $100 and an hour of work the porch looks lovely. I realized when I got back from the store that I only got one mounting for the two boxes I bought, but now that I'm finished I like the multiple levels of color.

I think that all I need now is a small table to rest a couple glasses of iced tea.

A Retreat

2009-04-23T19:08:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow, I'm heading down to Buckingham, Virginia (yeah, I have no idea where that is either) to enjoy a long weekend retreat at Yogaville. I booked this a few weeks ago as a remedy for the stress I've been enduring at work, and in general. I have kept saying that I'm craving silence, and I can't wait for a great big helping of it at the ashram.

Nothing about my relationship and marriage pleases me more than the independence that Husband and I have each been able to maintain while building a life together. I can go away for a long weekend, and there is no "I'll miss you more--no I'll miss you more!" conversation. I'll be gone for two nights, and yes, it will be a little bit lonely when he's not sleeping at my side; but on Sunday when we're together again it will be all the more exciting!

Twelve Jars!

2009-04-19T09:16:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that there were twelve mostly-empty jars of pasta-sauce in my fridge? I think I've probably been collecting them since we moved to this apartment about two years ago. Today I decided to take them out of the fridge and wash them out, so that they can be re-used.

It took about an hour to get them all clean. For most of them the labels cam right off, but some are still stuck on there.

Any ideas about what to do with them? I thought about making my own pasta sauce and filling a few jars with it. Perhaps they could hold flowers or something?

Agree to Disagree?

2009-04-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

I've often said that my relationship with my husband is based on the "opposites attract" concept. He and I have very little in common, and we disagree on most political and social issues. My stance on this is that it makes things more interesting. We always have something to talk about. . . and talking is exactly what we did at dinner last night.

You see, I believe that as "mere mortals," we humans have no claim to the land we live on l(beyond, perhaps, the house we live in) and therefore no right to say who can and cannot live in our country. The idea of "illegal immigration" is absurd to me. If you are an honest, law-abiding person, you should be able to make a living wherever you have the means to. I disagree with the immigration laws that make it so difficult to legally immigrate to the US.

Husband, on the other hand, believes that immigration laws protect us from terrorism, and other kinds of ill-will. In fact, he had recently been offered a job in which he would be involved in enforcing those laws.

Well, last night, after a long discussion (read: argument) about our feelings on this issue, Husband confessed that he is anxious to accept this job for fear that it may negatively affect our relationship.

In the past, we've always been able to (if you'll excuse the cliche) agree to disagree. But I can't say with any confidence that I won't resent my Husband for any involvement in enforcing these laws that I believe are wrong. But I've always appreciated our ability to maintain our respective independence. I don't want Husband to decline this offer only because of my feelings. That would certainly lead to resentment on his part.

So, I guess my question is this: Does Love trump Politics?

Am I too blue for you?

2009-04-06T04:13:00.000-07:00

I've been in a bit of a funk lately.

I've let the house become a mess again (although it's still manageable). I'm dining on garbage. I've found myself spending most of my free time sitting in front of the television, often dozing off and waking up hours later.

I occasionally find the motivation to break up this cycle, (Saturday morning, I went for a short hike) but soon find myself in front of the television again eating junk food.

And I look at myself and I'm pretty grossed out. It is so lame to complain about how fat you are, but I can barely recognize myself. And when I feel so ugly, I am less interested in being intimate with Husband. So, this little rut I've found myself in is affecting my relationships as well.

What got me here? That's what I'm asking myself. Sometimes I think that I'm just overstressed at work. Maybe it has to do with how infrequently I see my friends. On a more melodramatic level, it may have to do with my recent inability to have any faith or belief in God or any kind of divinity. I don't want to say that I feel hopeless, but the feeling that there is no
"higher power," is a pretty hopeless notion.

I've been in this sort of place before, and I don't expect it to last long. I booked a weekend retreat at a nearby ashram with the hopes that it will be rejuvenating. I've also got a date with a dear friend to have coffee in a week or so. If you're reading this and you want to help, you can invite me out for a drink or a walk or a bite to eat. If you're reading this and you know God, tell him to pay me a visit.

I hope this doesn't sound terribly melancholy. As I'm reading back over it, I see that I sound pretty emo. As far as blue spells go, this one is pretty mild. But I could use a friend to get me off the couch and out into the sunshine.

The Perfect Marriage?

2009-03-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

In keeping with my obsession with the Obamas, here's a great article from Newsweek about how my generation looks to the Obamas marriage as a model for our own.

Put up your dukes!

2009-03-18T06:26:00.001-07:00

Last night, Husband punched me in the face--in his sleep.

I felt him shifting positions in bed, and as I groggily opened my eyes, all I saw was a fist coming at me, and felt it slam into my left cheek. Husband then made a little whimper and rolled back over.

I might have to start wearing a helmet to bed!

Republicans are People Too!

2009-03-06T11:42:00.000-08:00

If you know me, you know that I'm pretty outspoken about my political positions. I'm a pretty firm liberal, and I don't really get along with Republicans and other conservative politicians. I'm not afraid to mock major figureheads of the Republican party and I can be pretty ruthless.

Every once in a while, however, I am put back in my place. Watching this clip on the news this morning reminded me that even if I don't agree with some one's politics, that person is still a human who has fears, and hopes, and a family whom he loves, and who love him back.

Blending Traditions

2009-03-06T06:56:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Millie recently described how she observed the traditions of her husband's family blending with the tradition of her own family right in their kitchen.

Snow Day

2009-03-02T05:45:00.003-08:00

I took this picture outside my apartment about an hour ago. We're having our first major snowstorm in a couple years. As I'm writing this, we're at 6 inches and counting.

Spoiled Brat

2009-03-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

I enjoy doing nice things for Husband. Who doesn't like to do things to make the people they care about happy?

For example, this morning, I woke up early. When I went to brew my coffee, I saw that I had a box of blueberry muffin mix on hand. Blueberry muffins are one of husbands favorite treats, and with the mix, they don't take long to make. So I whipped them up while he was still sleeping so that there would be a surprise for him to wake up to.

Sometimes, I do nice things for my own sake as much as for his. A few days ago, Husband was doing laundry, but couldn't find the time (or the interest) to hang up his dress shirts. When I was ready to turn in for the night, I found them heaped on the bed. In my usual after 9:00 stupor, I dumped them on the floor.

Of course, they have been on the floor ever since, and I'm really and truly trying to keep the place clean, so I decided to put them away. Of course, they were hopelessly wrinkled. Knowing that Husband has a few job interviews coming up, and that if I didn't do it, he certainly wouldn't, I took it upon myself to iron them too.

When I get into these generous moods, Husband is very appreciative and it puts him in a good mood, so it really does benefit me almost as much as it benefits him.

But sometimes, I worry that he's getting spoiled. Is he expecting this sort of thing from me all the time? Am I setting him up to become dependent on my own efforts? Lord knows he is totally incapable of any kind of cooking that goes beyond the microwave.

Public Service Announcement

2009-02-25T13:15:00.000-08:00

Dear friends and readers,

Many of you folks are intimate friends and family, and some of you found me in your internet wanderings. I welcome comments from all of you, but if you are one of my "real life" friends, please keep in mind that I refrain from giving Husband's name or showing his face to protect his privacy. I hope you all will do the same.

Thanks!
Molly

What I have in common with the Obamas:

2009-02-24T10:07:00.001-08:00

If you know me, you know that lately I've been obsessed with the Obama family. Everything from what kind of dog they might get, to where Sasha and Malia would go to school has cought my attention. So, when I heard that Michelle Obama would be featured in the cover story of this month's Vogue, I ran to the store to get a copy.

I finally got around to reading it last night and was disappointed to find that it couldn't really tell me much about our beautiful new first lady that I didn't already know. It talked about how "real" she is, and what a dedicated mother she is, etc. What did catch my eye, however was actually a line quoted from a 1996 New Yorker interview with Barack: "

"I'm extremely happy with her," he told Mariana Cook in a 1996 interview with
the couple recently published in The New Yorker, "and part of it has to do with
the fact that she is at once familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she
knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also
a complete mystery to me in some ways.…It's that tension between familiarity and
mystery that makes for something strong, because even as you build a life of
trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or
wonder about the other person."

My best girlfriend may remember me saying somthing similar to this on late night on her family's front porch during the somewhat embattled early years my relationship with Husband. Husband and I had a hard time back then. We fought a lot, and I often found myself in tears and he found himself not knowing what hit him. I often asked myself why I stayed with him when he made me so upset sometimes. I found myself conflicted with my rational self telling me to ditch him and my emotional self telling me that I couldn't live without him. (This all sounds very dramatic, doesn't it? I don't mean to be so gushy.)

But why? How did I manage to fall so stupidly in love with a man that I have so little in common with--a man who just didn't get me, and I didn't get him either? That night on the front porch I realized that the question was the answer. The fact that Husband is such a mystery to me is what made him so enthralling. To this day, I tell people that I just don't get him, and I like it that way.

In the time since we've been together, Husband and I have each learned so much about how the other thinks and operates. I understand why Husband has chosen certain weird hobbies and that has helped me accept them. I understand why Husband doesn't like parties and other large gatherings of people, and I often go by myself. I also learned that he and I each have different ways of showing our love for each other. Now, the raging fights that we used to have on a regular basis are rare.

Reading over what I've written, I can see that I appear to be trying to sound like an expert on relationships. I'm really not, but I have decided that it was important for me to question why I chose Husband and why he chose me, and to question frequently why I choose to stay with him, especially when the answer seems the most unclear. To this day, I find that the answer is that I still havn't solved the puzzle.

Valentines Day

2009-02-14T13:11:00.000-08:00

I had a big long post planned about how Valentines Day is a fake holiday invented by retailers to force men to give women gifts in order to get a piece of ass. I was going to write about how Husband and I haven't really celebrated Valentines Day except for when we first started dating and still had something to prove to each other. And then I was going to confess that even though I feel that way I still get a little disappointed when I see other women being wined-and-dined.

I was going to write all about all of that until I found the diamond earrings that Husband strategically placed in my path today.

Losing Control

2009-02-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

This morning, I woke up having recovered from a particularly difficult day at work which led to a particularly happy happy hour. Dehydrated as I was from the three vodka-tonics I’d had the evening before, I groggily wandered into the kitchen to get some water. When I looked around I realized that I’d lost control.

There were dirty dishes on the counter tops, a pile of clean clothes on the couch waiting to be folded; miscellaneous papers, boxes, receipts, and a couple winter coats lying on the dining room table; and an air of general dust and untidiness hung about the room.

After all the hard work I’d been doing to keep my apartment clean, Husband finally pitching in, at some point in the last week I must have gotten overwhelmed and let go. I couldn't’t tell you exactly when I stopped bothering. I think it must have happened gradually. I probably gave up somewhere between being extraordinarily busy at work, and realizing I’d gained twenty pounds and declaring I would go on a diet.

So here I am, back where I started at the end of 2008: fat, in frumpy jeans, a tee shirt, and fleece pullover, hair a mess and pulled back into a ponytail, and sitting in a messy apartment.
But, as I repeated so many times in Mr. Thomson’s high school drama class, “Yes, yes, I am hemmed in on every side, but don’t imagine all my battles lost.” I’m determined to get back in control. This weekend I will get my apartment shining again, and in the meanwhile, I’m going to continue following the diet I started last weekend, and one day I will live within 30 minutes of my office and all these things will be 100% easier.

Dawn-til-Dusk

2009-01-30T08:35:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, for the first time since the holidays, Husband and I will each have a day off from work at the same time. To make this even more exciting, neither of us have the obligation to go visit anyone. We get to spend the day together.

And I have no idea how we'll spend it. We talked about going to the movies, but that's only going to take up two hour or so. Maybe we'll just stay home an revel in each others' presence.

I'm so excited!

Wisdome of our Elders

2009-01-28T12:49:00.000-08:00

My grandmother, whom I call Mockie, is the poster child for "Better Homes and Gardens," or any other housekeeping tome. Her humble single-story home in Georgia is always immaculate. The garden bursts with perennial flowers every spring; tantalizing scents drift out of her kitchen; and the woman literally vacuums the floors every day. (Am I the only person who thinks that's nuts? I had a roommate once who insisted on vacuuming every day, and I'd be like "um...you vacuumed yesterday...")

Mockie is also the matriarch of a very large extended family with four generations living today. She and my grandfather (may he rest in peace) raised four boys who grew up to be the kind of men you would be happy for your daughter to marry (just ask their mothers-in-law!)

I recently asked her (along with a few other women who have influenced the woman that I have become) how she thinks a homemaker can relate to the Feminist movement. "When I was younger I probably was not ,or did not think of myself as a feminist, there was no such thing at that time," she told me.

She married my Grandad in 1948, a time when America was still rejoicing over the end of the hardships caused by World War II. Women who had joined the workforce while their husbands and sons were fighting in Europe and the Pacific were now returning to their traditional roles as homemakers. "I loved your grandfather, always thinking that if he made the living it was my duty to do my household responsibilities: washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, and rearing four sons."

I've just finished reading the first chapter of Betty Friedan's iconic manifesto, "The Feminine Mystique," where the author describes how women of this era did not feel fulfilled by homemaking alone but were unable to voice their trouble, thinking that their feelings were unjustified. It is possible that my grandmother felt this way too. She said that she sometimes felt resentful when my grandfather spent his weekends away from the house playing golf, leaving her to look after the boys for a sixth and maybe seventh day that week. "But as the boys grew . . . we began to join him, swimming and picnicking."

"Now I realize that I probably evolved as a feminist," Mockie said, "When our son's married I made it plain to them that as long as their wives worked, and contributed to the income, it was their responsibility to do their part in the household duties and the rearing of the children. "

Husband and I do work together to maintain our home. In fact, recently as I've been making more than my usual effort to keep our apartment tidy, he has been more eager to help out.

Husband and I have only been married for a few months, but we are already learning what Mockie told me about marriage: "It is not easy. It is not always perfect, there will be good times sometimes not so good, but the good outweigh the bad. It takes a lot of working together to make it work."

She finished by telling me that she is "no authority on marriage," but I think the almost 60 years that she and my Grandad spent together speak for themselves.

He deserves a medal.

2009-01-27T07:06:00.000-08:00

Today is Tuesday, normally Husband's day off. He had to work on his last day off which was last Wednesday, because of heavy traffic from the inauguration. Today, he was called in to work to fill in for a coworker unable to get to work in the snow. That means that today will be Husband's seventh day at work without a day off. If he continues to work as scheduled, he won't have another day off until Saturday.

That's ten straight days of work!

If Husband's supervisors do not reward him for his unfailing work ethic and dedication, I will personally punch them in their respective faces.*

* = empty threat

How I Spent My Saturday Afternoon

2009-01-17T12:14:00.000-08:00

This is what my bathroom usually looks like:

This is what it looks like today:

I bought this little cabinet at Target:

I stored my cleaning supplies in it for easy access, because I plan to maintain the current status of my bathroom.

Pay no attention to the man--er--mess behind the curtain!

I'm saving the shower and tub for tomorrow. . .

Sleeping Beauty?

2009-01-16T11:03:00.000-08:00

Last night, I fixed myself a quick dinner and put on a movie that came in the mail from Netflix. After I finished eating, I curled up on the couch to continue watching the movie.

Next thing I knew I was being rudely roused from sleep by a pair of very cold hands! The movie's DVD main menu was running and Husband was telling me to go to bed. Looking back on last night, I remember being extraordinarily cranky with him. But then, if you want somebody to be nice to you, you shouldn't put your freezing cold hands on her bare skin.

I promise I'll get that first posting about feminism and housewifery this weekend!

Wisdom of our Elders

2009-01-14T11:44:00.000-08:00

We have a lot to learn from those that have come before us.

That sounds like common sense, but it is amazing how we humans are always arrogant enough to believe that we can improve or out-do our ancestors. Trying to knock some of that human arrogance out of my own brain, I decided to consult some of the influential women in my life about their approaches to marriage, and homemaking. I also flavored my inquiry by asking how the 20th century feminist movement has influenced their approaches.

I had hoped to use the results of my query to write a series of mini essays on the topic. Unfortunately, I only got one or two useful responses. (If you'd like to contribute your opinion, you are absolutely welcome, nay, encouraged to!)

Anyway, look for my thouts on the most intriguing response I received, which was from my last living Grandmother, in the next day or two.

What's the big deal about folded pants?

2009-01-06T06:40:00.000-08:00

This morning when I arrived at my office, I had an e-mail from Husband:

Honey! You folded my pants! I love you!

He couldn't have said anything to make me happier (except maybe, "Have you lost weight?"). Nothing feels better than having all my hard work noticed and appreciated!

I love you too, Husband. I love you so much that I am happy to iron, fold, and put away your pants. (I also love the way you look when your clothes aren't wrinkled!)

I was a little put-off when some of the members on the FLYlady forums were referencing Fascinating Womanhood, and the incredible difference it made in their marriages. I had never heard of Fascinating Womanhood, so I Googled it and came up with this: http://users.rcn.com/bendesky/about/cbta/50swoman.html

Now, I have no problem taking care of the home and taking care of my Husband; but these tips make it seem like everything a wife does revolves around pleasing her husband. It makes it seem to me that a wife should be almost like a servant to her husband. I don't want that in my life at all.

Perhaps I would feel differently if I were a full-time homemaker, but even then, I would be keeping up my home for us, not for him.

Nothing says "I love you," like sleep deprivation.

2009-01-02T05:18:00.000-08:00

This morning, around 4:00 AM, Husband woke up barfing.

I'm pretty sure he all-out ran to the toilet because within one second, I felt the bed covers thrown back, heard the bathroom door slam, and then a giant puking sound. You know that sound. It's the sound that makes your own stomach lurch in sympathy and disgust. Just from hearing that sound, your nose is filled with the acidic stench of HCL mingled with half-digested food. When I heard that sound this morning, my maternal instinct jumped into hyper-drive.

I was immediately wide awake and jumped out of bed. I dashed to the kitchen to pour a glass of water and scour the cabinet for any medicine that might help (I couldn't find anything, although I'm pretty sure that once your dinner's in the toilet, there's not much to be done.).

I attached a vomit bag to the bedside. This is something Momma did when I was a little girl. It is at the same time so stupidly simple, and completely genius. All you do is take a plastic grocery bag and tuck one of the handles between the mattress and box spring. A little fluffing will allow the bag to sit open, then when your patient feels it coming on again, all he has to do is lean over the side of the bed.

Anyway, this is how I started my day today and now I'm worn out. I'm also driving myself crazy with worry, because when your six-foot-tall husband weighs less than 130 lbs, the last thing you need is for him to be unable to keep any food in his stomach.

More FLYlady

2008-12-31T06:26:00.000-08:00

People who know me know that I never do anything halfway. After reading the first book of the Harry Potter series when I was 16, I completely immersed myself in the fandom. When I took up knitting I couldn't stop, and quickly began to surpass some of the girls that helped teach me. So, just a couple days after my mother suggested I visit the FLYlady's website , I took off and am FLYing fast!

The program builds on itself, so on day two my instructions are to maintain my clean and shiny sink, and to "get dressed to the shoes."

I figured that putting on your shoes every morning is a great step for full-time homemakers and stay-at-home moms, but I put my shoes on every day. I chose instead to get dressed to the make-up, which fits in nicely with another of my resolutions to dress so that I could be photographed.

I wrenched myself out of bed reluctantly at around 5:30 this morning (I usually hit the snooze until 6:00 or later!) and jumped in the shower. Amazingly, once I was out of the shower, I didn't feel sleepy or groggy.

After I got dressed, make-up and everything, I headed into the kitchen and followed FLYlady's instructions to put away clean dishes from the dishwasher right away. When that was done and I sat down to eat breakfast, I couldn't believe that I had an entire half-hour to relax before I needed to head out the door.

By the time I was in my chair at work, I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I'm in a great mood today after a month or two of a slump. I still am feeling quite cheerful as I'm writing this.

I am super-optimistic about 2009. Woohoo!

My Shiny Sink

2008-12-30T17:31:00.001-08:00

I decided to get a head-start on my first resolution this evening.

When I told my mother I wanted to work toward keeping my apartment neat and tidy, she pointed me toward the FLYLady's method. The first step, according to FLYLady is to "shine your sink."

When I got home this evening, I got right to work following the sink-shining instructions. I'm sorry, I forgot to take a before photo, but picture a sink full of dishes, coated in grime, and speckled with red candle wax from an incident a couple weeks ago.

This is what my sink looks like now:

The FLYLady was right! My shiny sink literally puts a smile on my face.

It's That Time of Year Again!

2008-12-30T10:32:00.000-08:00

That's right, it's time to think long and hard about all the things we hate about ourselves and declare that this year is going to be different! This year I'm really going to loseweightquitsmokingsavemoremoneyworkouteveryday.

So, without further ado, here's my list:

Resolved: I will finally have a home that I'm not ashamed to invite friends into. I am going to learn to maintain a neat and tidy home with the help of the FLYlady. I'm going to do everything in my power (read: lots of nagging) to get Husband to help.

Resolved: I will cushion my savings account with $50 a month, whether I really really want those new shoes or not. Next time my car wigs out on me unexpectedly, I'll be prepared.

Resolved: I will dress well enough to be prepared to be photographed at least four days a week. This means jeans that fit me, nice shoes, a nice top, hair done, and (the horror!) make-up. I want to be an attractive, well-dressed woman that Husband will be proud to show off. Not for his sake, but for mine. I'm tired of just rolling out of bed every morning and running out the door.

I'd also like to start practicing yoga regularly again, eat a natural and primarily locally-produced and seasonal diet; but as the three resolutions I've already listed will mean getting up at least half an hour earlier every day, I'm not holding my breath.

May we all be happy and healthy and surrounded by friends in 2009!

I'm going on vacation--without you!

2008-12-22T05:34:00.000-08:00

In the months leading up to my wedding, my mother felt compelled to make sure I wasn't making a decision I would regret. She and my father married young and later divorced, and I frequently get the sense that she wants to keep me from going down the same path.

One of the things she said to me on several occasions was something like this: "What are you going to do when you want to go backpacking through Europe, and Husband isn't interested?" My usual response was, "I'll go without him."

Now, I'm happy to read in this article from time.com that doing that won't harm our relationship. In fact, traveling independently from each other could even strengthen our marriage!

So, Sister, how about that trip to Luxembourg?

No Facebook?

2008-12-21T05:25:00.000-08:00

Whenever I try to access Facebook I get an error message. Is anyone else experiencing this? It's been like this for about 24 hours.

I think I'm dying!

Little Help?

2008-12-15T10:15:00.000-08:00

Husband and I raised our voices to each other yesterday.

You see, I was running around the apartment trying to tidy up so that I could make a huge mess later with all the baking I had planned for that afternoon.

Have you ever noticed that if you're running around tidying up, and someone else is sitting and doing something more relaxing that it gives you just a little twinge of resentment? Well I was feeling that little twinge for the last week or so, and yesterday it started to grow.

And when I went to do the dishes (the task that I hate above all others) I found the proverbial hair that broke the proverbial camel's back. It was a large dirty bowl filled with dirty water, and a plate sitting inside of the bowl and neatly sealing it off.

"Husband, can you come here a second? I want to show you something," I said in a fake-sweet tone. I walked over to the door of "his room" and beckoned with one finger.

"If you're going to complain about something I do that bothers you can I complain about all the things that you do that bother me?" He said as he reluctantly got up out of his chair.

I pointed out the plate-in-bowl issue and he looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "I just really hate when you do that," I said, "It's hard to get it out."

He then picked up the bowl and tipped it over so that the water came pouring out and the plate went with it. "Was that so hard?"

"Well, I just want a little help around here! You complain that I never do the dishes, so you could at least make it easier for me when I do!"

"No, you just think it's slavery if you have to do the dishes once a week!"

"I've done the dishes four times this week!" (Yes, I had been counting.)

"Then the dishes are getting done twice a day!"

It went on like that for about five minutes. The point is this: how is it possible that I feel like I'm the only one who does any work around the house, and he also feels like he's the only one who does any work around the house? I would really love to have a third party fly-on-the wall observe us and determine who actually does "all the work around the house."

But then again, Husband would probably get angry when that third party points out that I was right and he was wrong. ;)

Crying Over Rotten Asparagus

2008-12-10T09:26:00.000-08:00

In one of my earliest posts I mentioned that one of my goals is to develop healthier eating habits. One of the biggest obstacles to reaching that goal is that I can never seem to eat the fresh fruits and vegetables I buy before they go bad.

Last night I got out some asparagus that I bought on Saturday so that I could cook it for dinner and was so aggravated to find that it had already gone bad. After some Internet searching I learned that asparagus only has a shelf-life of 2 to 3 days. I'll keep that in mind next time I go shopping, and plan to cook asparagus the day I buy it.

In my digging I found this article from Real Simple about how to keep produce fresh. This article also explains why the carrots I bought a couple weeks ago went bad: I left the greens on them when I put them in the fridge.

I'm amazed at how much I didn't know about storing food. If you have any tips about how to keep things fresh, please share!

Getting By Without A Car

2008-12-09T07:17:00.001-08:00

I've managed just a little over a week without my car, and I've got to say, it's not so bad.

At first it was hard, because the bus schedules are so tight that my chance of catching my last connecting bus home was pretty slim. I learned that the hard way when I found myself stranded at a cold dark bus depot frantically dialing my friends' numbers. (You're a life saver, LA!)

After that ordeal, I found myself scouring the Internet for alternatives. Today, I think I've finally got it all figured out. Here's my new and improved plan:

I take a bus from the mall by my apartment for $.50 all the way to the nearby airport. From there, I can get on a Metro bus for $3. It takes me to the same Metro station that the commuter bus was taking me to for half the price! Then it $2.60 to take the Metro to a station near my office.

In the afternoon, it's a little bit trickier. I take the Metro a little further this time for $3.85. I catch a Commuter bus out of that station which only costs $1.75. It lets off at a shopping center that's a couple miles from my apartment. If the Gods are smiling on me, I can take a $.50 connector, but it's more likely that I'll be walking back to my apartment.

Before, I was paying $10 or so one way making my daily commuting cost $20! With my new plan, I'm only spending $11.7o a day! That is slashing my cost by almost half. Woot.

And, as an added bonus, with all the walking (and when time isn't on my side running) I've been doing, I feel like I'm making up for some missed workouts.

Decking the Halls

2008-12-08T17:26:00.000-08:00

Ok, I admit it. I LOVE Christmas! Once Thanksgiving is over every year, you can find me singing carols, thinking about gifts, decorating my house, baking, and doing lots of other Yuletide things. In fact, in the years since I gave up Christianity, I've found that I am automatically converted back to Christianity every December. Glory to God in the Highest! And on Earth peace, goodwill toward men!

Here's what I've been up to in the first week of December:

I bought a Christmas tree, set it up, and decorated it all by my self! My Grinch of a husband insisted that Christmas trees are too much trouble, and If I wanted one it was my responsibility and he would have no part of it. (Bah Humbug!) Besides, shouldn't I be saving my money to get my car fixed?

Silly Husband! Didn't you know I could save money by making my own ornaments? I made this one with instructions from the queen of crafts herself, Martha Stewart. They weren't terribly difficult, but you should allow 24 hours to dry the glue.

Also, you knew I was making Christmas stockings. They're finally finished! Trouble is, without a fireplace, I don't know where to put them.

Finally, here's the Creche that I found at a thrift

store:

I learned a new trick!

2008-12-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

Last night was date night. I'm still doing without a car, and Husband came to pick me up from the bus station. He was in a sour mood from the moment I opened the car door. When I asked him where he wanted to go for dinner, he insisted that he wasn't hungry. When "Bohemian Rhapsody" came on the radio, he got mad at me for singing along. When I asked what he was wrong he said "nothing." When I asked him what he did today, "nothing."

We eventually decided to go to the Macaroni Grill. After about ten minutes of his one word answers, I was fed up. "What the hell do you have up your ass tonight?"

Eyes wide, he said "That was mean!"

"I'm sorry, but you're being grumpy even for you."

That seemed to shock him back to normal, and his mood improved vastly after that; he was laughing and making jokes. Perhaps I'll have to start using this tough-love approach more often!

What I want to be when I grow up:

2008-12-02T09:29:00.000-08:00

Can I just say that I love my mother? And I promise I'm not just saying that because she'll probably read it. I think a lot about how lucky I am to have such a great family, especially my momma. There are so many daughters out there who have these contentious relationships with their mothers, and I'm happy to say I'm not one of them. I like spending time with Momma, and I sometimes get jealous when she's too busy for me.

Also, my home would be a wreck without her. For some reason, I just didn't inherit her eye for design. Shortly after I moved into my current apartment, she came over and appraised the decor, then asked if she could rearrange a few things. All she did was move some furniture around and add a few throw pillows, and the place suddenly looked like a proper home rather than a dorm room.

When I think about motherhood and parenting, I always come to the conclusion that I should emulate her style. There were all these little things that she did that made me feel loved, and a little spoiled. Here are a few examples:

Blow-drying my hair after a bath, and blowing the warm air onto my cold, bare skin.

Secretly going into my room and tidying it up while I was at school.

Taking me on spontaneous adventures. (A friend and I were recently reminiscing about how we were playing together and Momma said "come on girls, we're going out!" And took us horseback riding)

Providing me with a mug of hot-chocolate to sip while waiting for the school bus on winter mornings.

There are so many other little things like this! In fact, here is an excerpt from an e-mail she sent today:

AND I got the sofa for you (the white one at auction). I would like to
come out this evening and switch so we can try it on. B and I LOVE
it!! So, if you WANT, why don't we play with your house tonight? We can
move the futon back to Husband's office, and see how this sofa looks.

I'm looking forward to it!

Anyone know a mechanic that specializes in exorcisms?

2008-12-01T06:58:00.000-08:00

So, my car is possessed by demons. I won't go into the details, but what it comes down to is that it is not safe to drive and is going to cost a fortune to be repaired.

Husband insisted that he would not allow me to "commandeer" his car as I have in the past when mine was out of commission. So, for now, I'm taking public transportation.

Now, I'm a big supporter of public transportation. If I could, I would get rid of the car altogether and use only public transportation and my own two feet to get around. Unfortunately, as this map illustrates, I live really far away from, well, everything!

But, I can manage. Here's what I did this morning: I walked to the mall in my back yard where I was able to catch a bus to a local commuter parking lot. From there, I catch another bus to a Metro Station where I catch a train which stops within a few blocks of my office. That's all fine, until you break down the costs.

Bus #1 -- $.50

Bus #2 -- $7

Metro -- $2.60

That's about $10. Double it, (because at the end of the day I have to go back home) and that's $20 a day!

For now, though, I don't think I have any other options.

8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage

2008-11-26T06:57:00.000-08:00

Since I havn't had time to come up with new posts lately, I figure I'll let someone else do the work for me. I found this great article about what to expect in marriage on WebMD.com while I was trying to figure out why I've been sleeping 10 hours a night and am still tired in the morning. (More on that later.)

It's a very good article, although, I bet any woman who has been married for a substantial length of time could have told me the same things. Maybe I should consult my grandmother about it.

Sorry.

2008-11-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

I apologize for the lack of posts this week. I have a bunch in mind, but I havn't got around to taking or uploading photos for them. Here's a teaser of what's in the works:

The finished Christmas stockings.

Decorating for the holidays.

Arguing with Husband about how I spend my money.

Recipes from my contribution to Thanksgiving dinner.

Home for the Holidays

2008-11-21T05:24:00.000-08:00

The question is, whose home?

Although Husband and I have only been married a couple months, we have been living together for two years, and dating for over six. So, the "where will we spend the holidays?" question is one we've gotten used to struggling over.

Last Thanksgiving, we decided to do a double-header. Our parents live about an hour's drive apart from each other, so we planned on having a Thanksgiving lunch with his family and then Thanksgiving dinner with mine. Sound exhausting? It was.

This year, deciding that we were not up for a repeat of last year's hectic rush, we went back and forth quite a bit before finally making the decision to have Thanksgiving with my family. I happily announced to my mother that she "won," only to be told that she wasn't expecting us and had made plans to go out of town! I was completely disappointed. Fortunately, after some discussion, she and my step-father decided that if we would spend Thanksgiving with them, they would stay home.

Christmas, is still up in the air. Because of Husband's job, he may need to work on Christmas. His family traditionally exchanges gifts on Christmas Eve, so there would be no loss there; but I will then be left to spend my first Christmas day as a wife alone with my own family.

I'm sure that will be fine, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't feel just a little bit lonely if that is the case.

A Date for the Opera

2008-11-14T05:33:00.000-08:00

A few posts ago, I gushed about how Husband bought me tickets to see Denyce Graves in Carmen (Photo taken from the Washington Post. Photographer Karen Kooper)

I came home one evening, and Husband sneakily tricked me into checking my date book for something. When I opened it up to November, I saw the date of the Opera highlighted, and my tickets were taped inside!

He got laid that night.

Something I didn't mention before though, is how happy I am with his honesty. Husband asked me if I wanted him to join me at the opera. I answered his question with another question: Do you actually want to go?

Of course, I would love for my husband to get dressed-up with me and stroll down the red carpet at the Kennedy Center (no really, the carpeting at the Kennedy Center is red!) and escort me to my seat; but I knew that once he sat in his seat he'd be bored to death for the rest of the evening.

Back to our discussion: He said that he would happily go if I wanted him to go. But that's not what I asked. I wanted to know if he would actually gain any pleasure out of hearing Denyce Graves' sultry voice decorating some of the most seductive music in the opera universe.

"Honestly? No, I'd be bored to death. You always complain about how so many people buy up tickets to the opera, who don't actually want to be there. They just go to be seen. You should take someone who will enjoy it as much as you will."

Next week when I am strutting down the Kennedy Center's red carpet, the person on my arm will be one of my very best friends. My college roommate who studied opera with me at Shenandoah, and who is an even bigger opera fanatic than I am.

Thank you, Husband!

Talking in my Sleep

2008-11-12T08:37:00.001-08:00

This morning, in an internet message, Husband said this:

"Last night you said you wanted more space in our relationship because your sweater didnt fit."

I guess I was thinking a lot about the sweater I'm knitting. It's starting to look like it will be too big.

I do remember having a very fitful night, and I don't feel terribly rested this morning. I'm pretty cranky today.

Those Little Pleasures

2008-11-10T13:02:00.000-08:00

I realized that most of what I write about in here, with regards to my marriage, has to do with our differences and disagreements. I'd like to take a moment to talk about one of my favorite things that Husband and I do together.

Husband works until 10 PM most nights. His days off are Thursdays and Fridays. We've made a tradition to have a date every Thursday night. Sometimes we go out with friends or go to the movies, but most weeks we walk to the Cheesecake Factory which is literally a few hundred yards from our apartment, and have a nice dinner together. This is really the only time every week that we can look at each other's faces and truly check-in. We talk about our jobs, about our triumphs and failures, about silly things that we heard or saw or did, about our friends, anything really.

Every evening when we get home from one of those dates, I look at my husband and say "thanks for taking me out. I had a great time with you."

Picky Eater

2008-11-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

My husband is a picky eater. He eats like a child and absolutely refuses to try anything new. Here is a list of some of some of the things he will eat:

Steak, fried chicken, buffalo wings (not too spicy!), barbecue sandwiches, fried shrimp (no other kind of shrimp), barbecue ribs, lasagna, spaghetti, macaroni and cheese, grilled-cheese sandwiches, ham and cheese sandwiches, pepperoni and cheese sandwiches, pizza, scrambled eggs (no other kind of eggs), pancakes, chocolate cake.

Now, I'm a vegetarian, so half of that list is out for me.

This is frequently a source of conflict for a few reasons: I refuse to cook meat (I might do it on a very special occasion); I would like him to eat healthier food; I refuse to cook two meals. He can eat what I'm eating, or he can fix something for himself.

So, the compromise is usually spaghetti marinara, or meatless lasagna, or pizza, and me getting fatter and fatter while The Metabolizer stays ultra skinny.

I can occasional get him to eat vegetables. He likes steamed broccoli, salad greens, and corn on the cob. I've also noticed that if I buy bananas they mysteriously disappear.

Fortunately, he works nights so most evenings I can just prepare dinner for myself.

The Day After Election Day

2008-11-05T10:54:00.000-08:00

My candidate won. Immediately after hearing the news, I was elated.

. . .but my elation quickly became tempered by my some of my fellow citizens' and friends' reactions.

Obviously everyone does not agree about the candidates, otherwise we wouldn't need to hold elections. But what I didn't expect was the bitterness and alienation that appears to be felt by my friends who supported the losing candidate. Did I feel that way after the 2004 election when my hopes of an end to the Bush Administration, and along with it an end to the Iraq War, were dashed?

I don't think I did.

At the time, it seems like I was able to commiserate with other John Kerry supporters in our mutual discontent about the Bush Administration. It felt like there were so many of us, and we weren't quite sure how we lost.

I guess this time there actually are many of us--enough to successfully elect our candidate. Perhaps the supporters of John McCain do not feel as numerous as Kerry supporters did in 2004. It also may be that most of my friends are in the 18-30 demographic that so heartily turned out for Barack; and that the few of us young people who were on the other side of the aisle are feeling like outcasts.

I did not expect this to be such a divisive day. Shouldn't we, the winning party, be able to celebrate without regard to the downcast faces of the losers? After all, after eight years of Republican rule, isn't it our turn?

Go vote.*

2008-11-04T05:18:00.000-08:00

*Extra points if you choose Barack for president.

Just when I thought our appartment couldn't get any more cluttered. . .

2008-11-02T12:09:00.000-08:00

Husband's parents are retiring and moving, so earlier last week they asked him to come out and pick up some of his things that they had been storing for him.

That evening when I got home, this is what I found when I walked in the door:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you're looking at two guitars (a Gibson and a Fender), a violin, three B-flat clarinets, an A-clarinet, an E-flat sopranino clarinet, two E-flat alto clarinets, a primitive type of clarinet called a basset horn, an oboe, a saxophone, and a flute.

One of these B-flat clarinets is a very valuable professional-quality Buffett clarinet:

You see, Husband and I used to be musicians. In fact, we met in college where we were both music majors. But, since graduating, we've both decided that we're not as passionate about music as we once were, and have both pursued careers outside the musical world.

Husband hasn't touched these instruments in about three years.

I'm trying to convince him to sell them so that we can work on our goal of saving up to buy a house. Wish me luck!

Pumpkin Muffins

2008-10-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

Here's my mother's pumpkin muffin recipe. When I was a kid this was one of the most exciting treats my momma could come up with. We enjoyed them for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Mix 1 1/2 cup of flour, 1/2 cup of sugar, 2 tsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 tsp nutmeg, 1/2 cup of milk, a can of pumpkin puree, 1/4 cup of butter, and an egg into a lumpy batter.

Distribute into a greased muffin tin and sprinkle a bit of sugar on top. Bake 18-20 minutes at 400 degrees.

If you really wanted to, you could make your own pumpkin puree from a real live pumpkin, but it's labor-intensive, and quite honestly not worth it.

Warning: TMI post ahead

2008-10-27T10:11:00.000-07:00

We're going to get intimate with our discussion here for a moment, so if you know me personally and don't want to think gross things about me or if you're in my family or something, you may avert your eyes.

This is a blog about being married, and part of marriage is sex.

I ran out of BC pills last week. It totally caught me off guard. I called up the pharmacy to refill my prescription and they said that my prescription had expired and that they couldn't refill it without a doctor's approval. Oh my god! Has it been a year already?

Well that took place on a Friday, so it wasn't until Monday that I could call my doctor's office. They were able to get me an appointment for today. That's a little over a week without the pill.

Well, I went in this morning, and my doctor was able to get me a fresh prescription after some unpleasant poking and prodding; but I was caught off guard again when she said that I should wait until the beginning of my next menstrual cycle to start it up again. And then, I should "use a back up method," for one full cycle.

Well shit. That amounts to two months of condoms. Husband is not going to be happy.

In other news, I finished one of the Christmas stockings. I promise I'll post a photo. I also will get that muffin recipe up this week.

Miscellaneous Ramblings for Tuesday

2008-10-21T05:49:00.000-07:00

Good morning my few readers.

This weekend I made my mother's recipe for pumpkin muffins. They are a delicious morning treat, and I plan on sharing the recipe, along with pictures for you all later this week.

I started knitting the cabled Christmas stocking, and it is proving to be a quicker and easier project than I had expected. I'm currently in limbo with that until I can find a set of size 13 double-pointed needles. Pictures coming for that as well.

In other knitting news, I became determined to finish a pair of socks I began knitting about two years ago. I was nearly finished with the second sock last night, only about an inch away from the end of the toe when I ran out of yarn. I'm happy that there were no witnesses to hear the very un-ladylike words that escaped my mouth.

Husband and I are having a disagreement about grocery shopping. He and I like very different things (I'm a vegetarian, and he is a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy), and he has been frustrated that I have failed to bring home food that he likes when I come home from the grocery store. I don't understand how he can expect me to get things that he likes when he cannot seem to specify what he wants. Last night, I really tried to get the junk-food that he wants but I haven't yet heard from him if I did ok. This might turn into an ongoing saga.

And in happier news, Husband bought me tickets to see Denyce Graves in Carmen next month (yes, that's opera.) Denyce Graves is one of my idols, and is probably the first "real" opera singers that I became enamored with.

Don't spend it all in one place!

2008-10-17T05:25:00.000-07:00

Last night, the in-laws invited us to dinner so that they could present us with our wedding gift. It was a fairly large sum of money, and they told us to do with it what we wish.

So now there's a decision to be made. How will Husband and I collaboratively use this money?

I can think of a zillion things to spend it on for myself. I could get those perfect Louboutin pumps I've been dreaming of, or buy a season's opera tickets, or buy one opera ticket and a fabulous dress to go with it.

I expect that Husband's is imagining a new souped-up computer.

If we're going to do something to benefit both of us, its a bit more of a challenge. Traditionally, we should get something for our home, like a new piece of furniture. We have an ugly shelf in the living room that our TV sits on. We could afford to replace it with a nicer one from IKEA, and maybe even have enough left over for a flat-screen TV.

Then there are our financial goals that need to be attended to. We could dump the cash in a savings account and add to it until we have enough to make a down-payment for a house. We could also invest it.

We had so much fun on our honeymoon, that I'd love to save it for our next vacation too. Husband wants to go to Alaska, and although it wouldn't be my first choice for a destination, I know it would be beautiful.

What if we just cheated and split the dough, 50/50?

Knitting Christmas Stockings

2008-10-15T09:49:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: Some people, myself included, get really annoyed when others get into the "holiday spirit," before Thanksgiving. Understand that, if I decide to pursue this project it will take quite a bit of advance preparation.

Now, I believe with all my heart that proper Christmas decorations ought to be home-made, handmade, children's projects or heirlooms.

I've been wanting to knit Christmas stockings for ages, and I always seem to run out of time. I may have run out of time for this year too. Is it worth it to spend much of my free time from now until December developing carpel-tunnel syndrome? Should I be knitting a decoration for my home when I could be knitting gifts for people? Should I work extra long hours on a complicated but beautiful pattern, or should I opt for an easy one that is not as elaborate?

Here are some of the patterns I like:

(The white one is the one I'm interested in.)

When I learned a cable stitch a few years ago, I was so proud! It's hard to do though, and this one has many of them. No doubt, this project would be labor intensive!

I love the folksy look of this one. I've never knitted pictures before, but I understand that it isn't terribly complicated.

I could also do this one and omit the pictures, to make just a plain colorful stocking. I do like the little Christmas trees on it though.

I found both of these patterns on http://www.knittingpatterncentral.com/ . It's a great source for free downloadable knitting patterns. I always think it's silly to pay for patterns. What's the point of making your own stuff if you still have to shell out a ton of cash?

I may make a stop to a craft store this weekend and get started. I'll let y'all know what I decide to do.

I want to be a neat freak.

2008-10-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

It's been my mid-years resolution, and I started early last summer. Mother stopped by my apartment and, as usual, was horrified by the state of it. She offered to stay and help me tidy up. We ended up spending all afternoon just overhauling the place: scrubbing the floors, doing laundry, organizing the closets, etc. When we were finished and I looked around at my beautiful apartment I promised myself I'd keep it that way.

It's been an uphill battle.

You see, husband and I have different ideas about what "clean" means. To my husband, clean means disinfected, not germy, not dirty, not gross. He doesn't like dishes in the sink or scum in the bathroom.

To me, clean means tidy, uncluttered, looking nice.

So, if husband has piles of dirty laundry on the floor, unless its really dirty laundry, it doesn't bother him, but it drives me nuts! But I don't mind leaving my dishes from dinner in the sink overnight, and husband gets irritated at me for that.

So if I want to have an apartment that is my idea of clean, I need to teach my husband to help me out with some of the little things, like hanging his towel back up when he gets out of the shower, or putting his dirty clothes in the basket.

So far, I've been unable to get through to him. How am I ever going to become the next Martha Stewart (don't hate, I love her!) if my husband can't make the bed when he gets up in the morning?

P.S. I just did a spell-check on this post and discovered that the word "apartment" only has one P. I've been spelling it with two Ps for AGES!

Honeymoon Recap

2008-10-13T05:30:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd tell y'all a little bit about our honeymoon. (This is really just an excuse to learn how to add pictures.)

We took a cruise on the Carnival Valor. We stopped in Grand Cayman; Isla Roatan, Honduras; Belize; and Cozumel, Mexico.

When we first arrived in Belize, we took a cab to the beach. As soon as we got there, it started raining!

So we went to Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville for lunch. It was a deliciously cheezy and overpriced tourist trap.

At Roatan Island, we were supposed to go snorkling. But because of bad weather, it just ended up being a boat ride. We still had fun though.

The highlight of the trip was visiting the ancient Mayan city of Tulum.

Boldly going where no young wife has gone before. . .

2008-10-13T05:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took on a very scary challenge: I attended one of my husband's family functions without my husband! And, to tell you the truth, it wasn't that bad.

It was husband's cousin's birthday, and the family was getting together for lunch. Husband had to work, so I went alone. I don't know what I was so scared about. It's not like I havn't been to a million lunches like this one with that family, and we get on pretty well. We chatted about the wedding and the honeymoon, and about husband's parents' new house. I never once felt out-of-place, or unwelcome.

I guess I'm part of the family now too!

Forgive me, for I have sinned.

2008-10-10T05:55:00.001-07:00

I have a confession.

Today I spent $3.75 on a gourmet hot chocolate from Starbucks, even though a couple posts ago I said I would overhaul my finances and improve my diet.

Diff'rent Strokes

2008-10-10T05:23:00.000-07:00

Husband and I have very different family models. You know, the sorts of families that we were raised in and the sorts of families we expect to lead. I am reminded of this frequently by our different reactions to things. Here's something that happened last night:

I came home with a package I had picked up from the post office. It came from Target, where we had registered for wedding gifts. Husband was sitting in "his room" (an office type space where he spends much of his time playing video games), and I began to open the package on the dining room table.

"It's from the W's!"
"That's nice."
"OOOH! It's a WAFFLE IRON!"
"What the hell do we need a waffle iron for?"
"To make waffles, silly!"
"Did you actually register for that?"
"Oh honey, I understand now. You obviously did not grow up in a household that had a waffle iron. Therefore, you cannot possibly know the pure joy that can only come from eating fresh, hot, homemade waffles on Saturday morning. We'll fix that this weekend."

Now, where's the Bisquick?

What's in a name?

2008-10-09T05:40:00.000-07:00

I decided to change my name.

I know, I'm a traitor to women's lib and the feminist movement. This was something I really struggled with. You see, I like my name. I like my first name, and my middle name, and my last name. I've had those names all my life and why should I change them just because I have a piece of paper that says I'm married? Why shouldn't Husband change his name?

On the other hand, I like the idea of me and Husband being one family unit. I like the idea of someone saying "We're going to have dinner with the S's tonight." I want my children to have a secure sense of identity (I grew up in a mixed family with at least four last names.)

Well my mother (who changed her name for both of her marriages) didn't want me to change my name. "You'll lose your identity," she said. She pointed out that one of her sisters got married and kept her maiden name legally, but used her husband's name in social situations. What a brilliant compromise, I thought.

I told Husband that this was what I had decided to do. I was astonished by his anger at my decision. He totally caught me off guard by insisting that if I wasn't going to take his name there was absolutely no point in getting married. He thought it would emasculate him and "going half way" as he called my decision was not good enough.

I was really conflicted now. I felt like he was trying to impose ownership over me and that he should respect my feelings about my name. After all, no one was asking him to change his name, how would he know what this felt like? At the same time, I loved him and wanted to be his wife.

I thought about it, and read opinions about it, and talked to my recently married best girlfriend.

I finally made the decision to change my name, but without losing any part of my current name. I will be Molly Middle-name Maiden-name S. Who says I can't have four names?

The Plan

2008-10-08T10:03:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate people that have "5-year plans," or "life-plans"? I do, and yet I am one of them. Here are some of the things that I would like to accomplish in the next five years or so:

I want to completely overhaul my finances. Right now, I make regular contributions to my 401(k), and my student loan. Husband and I each put half of our paychecks into a joint account to cover our living expenses. I have no credit card debt, but I do have some private debt after a family member loaned me some cash to cover some emergency car repairs. Once that's paid off, I'm going to start contributing to a savings account until I have a decent "emergency fund" built up. My next financial goal? Investing. How could I not invest in this rock-bottom market? So I'm going to open an IRA and start playing in the market.

Scott and I also want to buy a house. That means more saving. We'll probably need at least $10,000 to make a down payment. Hopefully, we can find a great deal before the market recovers.

I want to improve my diet (and Husband's too if I can.) I'd like to start following the guidelines in Michael Pollen's "In Defense of Food." He recommends that we eat only "real food," that means "nothing your great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food." If I'm going to manage that, I'm going to have to start cooking. Something that I don't particularly enjoy. I need to learn how to enjoy cooking.

I want to become a neat freak. Well, maybe not a FREAK, but I want to learn to maintain a tidy home. A home that I won't be embarrassed by if friends stop by unexpectedly.

I want to start practicing yoga again regularly, and eventually start teaching again. My goal is to transition to teaching yoga full time, and quit my day-job.

I don't think it is a good idea to start a family until Scott and I have accomplished these things. And I'll probably start adding to the list like crazy.

OK! Time to get started!

I got married.

2008-10-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

My name is Molly and I have been happily married to the love of my life for about 10 days. Lately my new husband and I have been joking about "aw! It's our first drive in the car as a married couple!", or "aw! It's the first time I kicked you in the balls as your wife!"

We're going to have a lot of firsts in the next year or so, and this is where I plan on writing about them. The topics I plan on discussing here include finances, investing, budgeting, relationship maintenance, maybe some light talk about sex, and everything that I experience as a young newlywed.

I hope it will be entertaining; this is my first shot at something like this.